An Unauthorized History of my Laundromat
/Lately, I’ve been wondering a lot about my laundromat. Specifically, why my clothes always shrink, why the name is so uninventive, and why it even exists in the first place when there are other laundromats nearby. After many hours of exhaustive research with the aid of the NYU School of Question Management, I’ve found some answers:
#1 - The Shrinking Brothers
Way back in 1998, two brothers had a dream of coming to America and living the good life. But their country was under the control of a ruthless ventriloquist’s dummy named Mr. Peanut. And being a wooden doll, it meant that he couldn’t wear normal sized clothing. So people would shrink down their clothes and offer them to Mr. Peanut. The brothers were so inspired by the people’s dedication to Mr. Peanut that they came to America and opened up their own clothing shrinking store under the guise of Grant St Laundromat. And that’s why today, whenever you drop your clothes off they say, “Long live Mr. Peanut.” Although it’s usually said cryptically and comes out as “It’ll be ready tomorrow night, ok?”
#2 - LaundroTech LLC
After opening several other large capacity laundromats in the NYC metro area, LaundroTech LLC (formerly Laundromatical LCC) merged with CleanNYC LLC (formerly CleanUS LCC) to form LaundroClean LCC (after 2 years the name was changed to just Clean LLC). Then, in a hostile take over, the European laundromat giant Euroclean LLC (formerly CleanDeutch LCC) bought a controlling stake in Clean LCC and split the company into 5 smaller companies (Laundro LCC, CleanLaun LCC, Clean-a-matic LCC, LaundroNice LCC, and LaundroCleanUSA LLC). But after several drawn out court battles with the major stakeholders (Johnson V. Williamson; Williamson V. Smith; Johnson&Williamson V. Smith) the judge ordered that the company be reassembled but under the new name “Grand St. Laundromat”.
#3 - Loan
Probably at some point some guy went to the bank and got a loan. He would have, most likely, used this loan to build Grand St Laundromat.